Hi everyone. Welcome to Momnesia Week at Renaissance Mom!
Huh? I know, I know. You’re wondering “What the heck is Momnesia?” Right? I wondered that, too, as I stumbled upon author Lori Verni-Fogarsi’s Facebook page one day. She had recently released her first fiction novel titled — yep, you guessed it — “Momnesia,” and the title intrigued me.
Finally, I thought, the answer to my “mommy forgetfulness” prayers. I began jumping up and down, raising one hand in the air in a “pick me, pick me” sort of way, as if Lori could see me through the computer screen. “I have Momnesia, I have Momnesia!” I screamed at my laptop. Finally a diagnosis for forgetting my children at baseball practice. Finally the reason behind my short-term memory deficits that made me forget to stop by the school office to have my license copied so my CORI check would be completed in time to go on Thing 3′s field trip. Finally I had an excuse for all that was wrong in my life! I breathed a great big sigh of relief, and typed Lori a quick message asking if she’d be interested in a blogger review and/or giveaway. “Of course,” she replied, and sent me an e-copy of the book for my Kindle iPad app.
I dove into the book with a determination only my blog has seen recently, flipping the imaginary pages with a quick swipe of the touch screen. And then I found it, tucked deep with the pages of Chapter three. It flashed in neon lights beckoning me — the definition of Momnesia.
Momnesia (mahm-nee-zhuh) -noun-
1. Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by pregnancy, play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.
2. An affliction causing the wrong phrases to be substituted. E.g; “I would really appreciate if you would watch the kids so I can shower for the first time in three days,” while a non-Momnesiac might say, “Let’s get a sitter so we can go our for drinks and have sex in the car afterward.”
3. The inability to be recognized, or to recognize oneself, as a woman who is not only a mother.
What? This isn’t what I signed up for. This has nothing to do with my short-term memory deficits. Lori you tricked me, and probably thousands of other moms. You drew us into your book right away with your title, your witty words, perplexed main character in need of some serious mommy intervention, and two and a half oh-I-can-so-relate chapters, and then you pulled the carpet out from under our feet by giving us a whole new understanding of what Momnesia is all about. The problem, well actually not a problem just the reality of the situation I guess, is that I, like many moms, suffer from her definition of Momnesia, too. Hell, I dedicated an entire blog to overcoming my own Momnesia. Just read the tagline — stumbling through parenthood and discovering ME. Now if that isn’t a sure sign of Momnesia I don’t know what is. If Momnesia ever makes it into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, my tagline will most assuredly be listed as one of the criteria for the disorder, and my picture will be right beside it (although the DSM doesn’t usually include photos of the mentally ill, that would just be mean).
- You are currently wearing yoga pants and a coffee-stained T-shirt, haven’t showered in two days, and don’t see a problem with taking a trip to the grocery store that way.
- Your children left for school two hours ago and you still have not emerged from underneath the piles of laundry, dishes, sports equipment, left out breakfast foods, etc. to begin doing something YOU had planned.
- You haven’t showered in three days.
- You can’t remember if you brushed your teeth today, yesterday, or within the last week.
- You have not cooked a meal in the last month that hasn’t contained some sort of chicken by-product, been served with ketchup, has a side of veggies covered with cheese to hide its healthiness factor, includes a noodle-dish, and that at least one person sitting around the table hasn’t complained about.
- You use your mommy status as an excuse not to exercise and take care of your body.
- You feel the need to write a blog with a tagline that says “stumbling through parenthood and discovering ME” (where the hell have you been?)
- You haven’t showered in four days.
- Coffee is your best friend.
- You aren’t sure if you changed you underwear today, and you don’t care.
- You dropped your children at school, the sitters, daycare, etc. 20 minutes ago, and you are still singing along to the Disney sing-a-long CD.
- You chopped your hair into an awful unflattering crop-style because you didn’t have the time or desire to wash the permanent spit-up smell out of it, or you can’t remember a day in the last year when your long hair hasn’t found its way into a ponytail.
- You have forgotten what a shower is .
- When you finally do find time to take a shower it lasts only about 5-minutes, your children are banging on the door the whole time, and when you get out you realize you have forgotten to shave you legs, and there is no time to dry and style your hair, or put on makeup, and oh, shoot you forgot the deodorant.
- You haven’t peed alone since having children.
OK, so that’s 14 criteria, and I bet you can add a whole lot more to that, but you get the point. Yikes! How many of you have just checked off #1-14? If you checked even one of the above criteria then you need something just for YOU! So here it is: an entire week dedicated to us moms who have somehow lost ourselves in the parenting process.
For those who haven’t, well good for you, get lost this week isn’t for you (just kidding). Stick around you may learn a few new things. For those of you who have lost yourselves and then found you again, congratulations! Pat yourself on the back, and then tuck away your mommy smugness for the week, and join us for a fun-filled week featuring a Momnesia giveaway and review, guest post by Momnesia expert and author Lori Verni-Fogarsi, and more!
And for those who finally have a diagnosis for all that ails you, like me, set your alarms and give yourself 10 minutes everyday to join us. I promise, it will be better (and cheaper) than any therapy.
So HAPPY MOMNESIA WEEK! I hope this week provides you with the tools needed to live Momnesia-free!